10 Animals that Will Blow You Away… Literally
Welcome to the top ten list of exploding animals! Most of the wonderful collection of exploding animals shines the light of scrutiny on some of humanity’s most brilliantly idiotic ideas in the name of warfare ever devised. This fascinating exposé of tactical strategy will amaze you, sadden you, and enrage you, as the exploitation of some of the smartest and most loyal animals is, in some cases, still being inflicted. So very outrageous are some of these deeds that it will make you want to explode some people, like those responsible for some of this cruelty.
British Special Operations Executive, otherwise known as SOE were a special unit of covert warriors used by the British government in the fight against the Nazis. They used James Bond type weapons and equipment and devised many outrageous plans. One of the plots thought up by this special unit was to place a bomb inside the corpse of a rat and put the body in the coal piles of the enemy. The thinking was that the rat would be thrown into the fire with the coal and the fuse would ignite with an ensuing explosion. A great idea but never used as the entire group was wiped out the night the mission was to take place with the entire supply of rat-bombs confiscated. Rats!
Before the days of electronic guidance systems that could accurately pinpoint a target at a long distance and then hit it, the idea of pigeon bombs was toyed with. A system was already in place and set to go when electronics took over and the only reason it was not funded before then was the military allocating funds away from the project for applications that could be ready for combat faster. The entire program was scrapped but not before $25000 dollars had been sunk into it and pigeons trained to carry out the missions. It is just as well though. Most people thought the plan was a birdbrain idea anyway.
Dolphins, a most intelligent mammal and the smartest creature in the sea are a natural choice for covert kamikaze training. They are fast, friendly, easily trained, and live almost everywhere there is ocean. The one thing the Soviets did not count on is that they are very expensive to keep. Recently, the Soviets sold off all their dolphins in an apparent abandonment of the project… or did they? The CIA would like to know as there is something fishy about where some of those trained to kill dolphins went. Can you say Iraq?
The Death Pool, as it has been named by newspapers, is a pond in Hamburg, Germany, (It is also happening in Denmark) and a gruesome place where toads are bursting for no particular reason. Thousands of toads have exploded in the park that used to be filled with picnickers and laughing children. Now, the only people who visit the park are scientist and those with a taste for the macabre. While several theories have been put forth, they either have been eliminated or simply lack supporting evidence. For instance, some scientist believe that crows may be pecking out the livers, a delicacy in the upper class crow elite, and leaving the frog to die. As a defense, toads naturally puff their bodies out of proportion but with a hole in their sides and no liver, they puff up and explode. This is just a theory, however and there is no documentation of it happening except the corpses of the dead. The most disgusting and horrifying part of this is that the toads do not die instantly upon exploding. Instead, they lay there twitching and thrashing about while their intestines ooze out and they die a slow, agonizing death. Is it lunchtime yet? I’m hungry for spaghetti.
Okay, let’s pretend for a moment that you are a United Nations soldier standing post at a check point. You’re enjoying the middle-eastern sunshine and watching what you imagine to be pretty girls walking around under long robs with scarves covering their faces and wondering how they stand the heat under twenty-two pounds of dark colored clothing–when suddenly, several men lead a donkey to within fifty yards of your position, smack its rump to get it started towards the checkpoint and the scatter in different directions in a hurry. What do you do? My wife answered that you “Run, Forrest, Run!” however, most men would shoot the donkey and then set fire to some hay and throw it on the donkey after they have cleared the area. This actually happened at a checkpoint in Ramadi, Iraq to a US soldier. The resulting report described a very impressive explosion. Hmm. Can you say Donkey Barbeque?