10 Stupid (what else) Darwin Award Winners

5. Awful Acrobat

awful-acrobat

Molly and her husband had rented a room in a local motel for some after dark activities. The second floor room had a balcony with safety railing, which Molly made a beeline for. The former high school gymnast (or something) decided to demonstrate some of her former skills as her husband looked on. She did a flip onto the safety railing for a handstand and toppled straight over the other side onto the concrete patio 15 feet below, dying instantly. Some people huh?

4. Pull the Plug… or Not

drowned-in-the-sink

The Police was called to an Austrian apartment which appeared to have the legs of a corpse sticking out of the window. On entering the apartment they found the dead man’s head soaking in a sink full of hot water. The deceased man, after a night of drinking, decided to slip back into his apartment by sneaking through the kitchen window. Being a fixed window it would only open so far so he got stuck with his head at the sink. While thrashing about trying to get free he turned on the tap and drowned in the sink. Police were puzzled why he simply didn’t turn off the tap, pull the plug to the sink or even just enter his apartment through the front door as he had the key in his pocket. A man that stupid should not be drinking, or left unsupervised…ever!

3. Any Hole is a Goal

any-hole-will-do

Lonely loser Xian, ambling through the LanTian Park in Hong Kong, noticed a seductive looking bench; by which I mean it had several enticing looking holes. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Xian decided to offer the bench, and in turn himself, some sexual pleasure. Unfortunately for Xian (and the bench) once he became fully aroused by the sexy bench he found his penis was trapped in the hole. Police and doctors were called to the scene, but emergency workers had to cut the entire bench free so it could be taken to the hospital. Xian and his lover were later to be parted in a 4 hour procedure. Hopefully, lack of sufficient blood flow has stopped Xian’s penis from working effectively, because this man should not procreate.

2. Re-eel-y?

reely

We are still in Hong Kong for number 2 on the countdown of people unequipped for life. Most remove themselves from the gene pool on spectacular ways stopping their idiotic traits from persisting in our species. But this man survived with his ability to reproduce intact; however, this guy is so inept he would be lucky ever to get a lady to lay down with him. So our man enters in the emergency services complaining of intense abdominal pain. Doctors X-rayed the man and were shocked to find what appeared to be an eel inside his colon. And yes it was an eel; the mystery moron has been suffering constipation and he thought inserting an eel directly into the location of the problem might solve it. He was rushed to surgery to have the 50cm eel removed that had been chomping down on bits of his colon and rectum. What an arse!

1.The Dancing Douche with the Big Package

dancing-bulge

Paramedics were called to a nightclub in Salt Lake City, Utah, to find a young man passed out on the dance floor. His bluish coloring suggested that he had suffered a heart attack due to lack of oxygen; he died en route to hospital. The cause of his heart attack was determined in the operating room; the young man had stapled a roll of quarters to his crotch in the attempt to make his ‘package’ appear larger. But, whoops, he tied the roll of quarters to himself using surgical tubing, (strong and elastic) which had cut of the circulation to his leg. Lack of blood flow and the cardio-workout of the dancing had triggered the fatal heart attack. His brain wasn’t in his trousers, as he didn’t appear to have one.

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