Top 10 Disgusting Exotic Jobs
The definition of disgusting is two vampires fighting over a bloody kotex. Even more disgusting than this, however, would be the job of the guy (or gal) who has to clean up after them. Speaking of disgusting jobs, here is the Top Ten Most Disgusting Jobs List. If you have a job that is more disgusting than the jobs on this list, you can look on these gross positions with an envious eye (and nose) and sigh because you have earned the right to be depressed. Go, and drink yourself to death with our blessings.
10. Orangutan Pee Collector
You no get pee!
While this is important work that needs to be done to help get these wonderful animals off the endangered species lists, it is just about the nastiest job in the jungle. None of these monsters care anything about decorum. Unlike man, or even a dog, for that matter, who will find a nice bush to pee on, these critters hang around in the treetops and let it fly whenever they feel the urge to purge. An Orangutan is more likely to poop and pee if it knows you are under it just for laughs. It is a game like; let’s see who can pee on the funny looking humans who can’t climb trees.
The trick is to run around under them with a long pole with a bag at the end of it. You might want to keep your mouth closed. Of course, you could just spread big pieces of plastic under their trees. But where is the fun in that?
9. Janitor at a Porno Theater
Not exactly the ideal place to work, the porno theatre janitor has the task of cleaning up after the dregs of society that frequent these types of movies. You will go though tons of disinfectants and deodorizers and spray cans of air freshener in these places as well as pick up trash and objects that have been who knows where. Is that dried chewing gum on the floor or some bodily fluid that needs to be cleaned up, scraped up, or avoided like the plague? Personally, if I were forced to do this job, I would wear a biohazard suit, double layered with steel boots to prevent myself from sticking a dirty syringe in my foot, just in case.
8. Flatulence Analyst
No amount of money can pay this shit!
Believe it or not, there is a field of science that believes we can use the body’s flatulence, odors caused by the body’s expelled gasses, as a diagnostic tool. That means that someone has to smell these odors in order to gauge what odor relates to which disorder. This means that through the use of special, sensitive equipment and the human nose, the body’s gas must be analyzed or “sniffed” and broken down to determine what the specific gaseous elements are and what they smell like. There is a lab in Minneapolis run by gastro-entomologist Michael Levitt that was hiring for this position.
This brings to mind a poor looking soul on the side of the road holding a sign that reads, “Will sniff farts for food.” I don’t think so.
7. Porta-potty Cleaner
Yep, it stinks, get another job.
If you are the veteran of the construction site then you know just how nasty these poop boxes can be. If you are old enough to remember using outhouses, then you know how nice these convenient poop boxes can be. It is all in the perspective. All I can tell you is that I have been in some of these sweat boxes on construction sites across the country and I have never been in one that I have enjoyed being in. This is especially true when it is a hundred degrees, humid, and the thing has not been cleaned in a while. I have seen them cleaned. It is a process of attaching a hose to the valve at the bottom and pumping sloshing crap and urine out into a tanker truck and then pumping a blue chemical solvent back in. It is gross and disgusting and the hoses are simple clamp fittings that leak and spill on anything near them. The upside to this job is that you never have to worry about finding a bathroom.
6. Guano Collector
Robin, do you smell Guano? I think I just shat my pants…
Guano defined in its most crude and basic form is simply seabird, bat, or seal shit. The “ooze” beneath a mass gathering of bats consists of bat shit and urine and is high in nitrates making it extremely useful in fertilizing soil and the making of explosives. It is the key ingredient in gunpowder. Guano is also very messy and has a high ammonia concentration that burns the eyes and sears the lungs making it one of the dirtiest jobs on the planet. There is no easy way to collect seabird or bat crap. You just have to go and scoop the foul smelling stuff into containers.